I’ve said it for years, and maybe you’ve heard me say it too: “It sucks being the bigger person.”
I don’t say it because I think I’m better than anyone else. I say it because being the bigger person is hard. It means biting your tongue when you want to snap back. It means choosing patience over pride. It means holding onto integrity even when the situation feels unfair. And if you’ve ever walked out of a meeting replaying every word in your head, wishing you could’ve said what you really felt…. you know exactly what I mean. I’ve been saying this phrase for years: “It sucks being the bigger person.” This year, I finally put it out there publicly in a Facebook post. Honestly, it was a step of faith—part of stepping into this new season with Salt Creek Learning and preparing to launch my podcast. I wanted to know: Does this phrase resonate beyond me? The responses from friends, colleagues, and family reminded me of something powerful: this isn’t just a phrase I’ve said. It’s a way of leading I’ve lived. And the people around me have seen it, felt it, and even been encouraged by it.
What Others Said About “Being the Bigger Person”
- “Sometimes it does suck, but the high road always has the best view.” — Brooke
- “Doing the right thing isn’t always easy — sometimes it’s uncomfortable, frustrating, or feels unfair — but it’s still worth it in the long run.” — Jill
- “Too many people take the low road, but if we want to be like Christ, we have to give grace because that is what he gives us.” — Lisa
- “Being the bigger person has its own freedom. Set boundaries and receive peace.” — Tabitha
- “By not stooping to someone else’s level, you protect your own peace and integrity. You stay true to who you are, not who someone else tries to provoke you into being.” — Pattie
Reading these reflections, I realized this isn’t just my saying. It’s something many of us live out in classrooms, meetings, and everyday life. Maybe you’ve been there too….holding your tongue in an IEP meeting, stepping away from a heated conversation, or choosing calm when you had every right to be angry. It’s a quiet kind of strength, but it’s also one of the hardest parts of this work. Their words confirmed what I believe: leadership isn’t just about strategy or titles. It’s about character. It’s about living out faith, grace, and integrity even when it costs you something.
The Research Behind the Reality
When I first began this research, I’ll be honest: I set out to prove that teachers didn’t have high expectations for students, and that this was holding kids back. But what I quickly realized surprised me. Every teacher I interviewed, every one of them… had a deep passion for helping students succeed. That passion is what so many of us carry, even on the hardest days. But passion alone isn’t enough… we need systems and support that match the size of our calling. The issue wasn’t that they didn’t want to hold high expectations; it was that some didn’t have the training or support to do their jobs well. That shift in perspective shaped the way I see leadership and the way I built Salt Creek Learning.
What I found is simple, but powerful:
- High expectations matter. When teachers truly believe students can succeed, those students engage more and dream bigger.
- Clear communication matters. The way expectations are explained can either build a student up or shut them down.
- Relationships matter. Transition planning isn’t just paperwork—it’s relational, emotional, and deeply contextual. Teachers told me that trust, empathy, and high expectations are the foundation of real change.
In other words, being “the bigger person” isn’t just about personal character. It’s about leadership. It’s about the emotional labor of showing up, again and again, even when it costs you something.
Why Salt Creek Learning Exists
This is my Why. I started Salt Creek Learning because I saw how heavy this work can be for educators. Teachers are pulled between paperwork, policies, and the needs of kids and families. Leaders are expected to model calm and grace in moments that feel anything but calm. And special education, especially, asks for more—more patience, more advocacy, more heart. Salt Creek Learning exists to lighten that load. To give educators and leaders the tools, training, and support they need so that being the bigger person doesn’t always have to “suck.” It can still be hard, but it doesn’t have to be lonely. Because when the load is lighter, you can do what you were called to do: teach, lead, and love kids. That’s the work that lasts. That’s the work that changes lives.